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Eating Ourselves Stupid in Tasmania – Launceston

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After our brief adventures in Hobart we headed north to Launceston in our little white ASX fuelled by fresh apricots, cherries the size of a baby’s fist and ginger fudge also from Tasmania.  Apparently MS doesn’t like fudge but that didn’t stop him from eating most of it the fatty.  We arrived in Launceston at about 7.30 in the evening and after checking into our cheap and cheerful hotel the Balmoral on York I found myself googling places to go for dinner.  Ever the organiser I usually have a comprehensive list of places that I want to go for breakfast, lunch, dinner and even just a bite to eat at but in Launceston I have to admit I was really stumped.  In all honesty I wanted to come to Launceston for the wineries and the gorge and that’s it.

Stillwater had been recommended to me by a few of my readers but after our dinner the night before both MS and I were looking forward to a meal that didn’t involve someone refilling our water every 10 minutes and describing each dish in exquisite detail as it was placed in front of us.  Black Bow Bistro was booked out so after reading some ‘decent’ reviews online we headed to Cataract on Paterson. I don’t need to say a whole lot about Cataract on Paterson other than that it was probably the worst meal that we had on our short stay in Tasmania.  I asked for the chowder that I had seen online but according to the girl that was on their old menu that had literally only just changed a few days prior to our visit.  The service was terrible, the food was ordinary, the wait for the food was lengthy and it took over 20 minutes before we received our drinks.  Couple that with the fact that they have just introduced the unique Stone Grill cooking method.  You know the one where you cook your own meat on the hot rock?  I’m sorry but that was just so 10 years ago (remember the Fermented Grape days?)   I learned my lesson. Be more prepared and since when do I ever trust Trip Advisor anyway?

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My scallop dish with white bean puree was actually alright but not good enough to detract from the long list of things that weren’t right that night

The next day was Tamar Valley wine route day.  We started off with a light breakfast at some random breakfast place in the middle of Launceston.  I had begged and pleaded with MS to go to much hyped vegetarian café ‘Fresh on Charles’ but he downright refused it because there was no bacon.  Apparently we were spending the day doing stuff that I wanted to do (visiting vineyards) so the least I could do is choose somewhere that had bacon for him.  Sigh.

As a little detour before our wine tour and with me playing tour guide we took the ‘steep hikers walk’ up to Cataract Gorge only realising when we got there that there was actually a flat, concreted walk on the other side that would have been far easier.  And here’s me wondering why there were women in full Lorna Jane getup huffing and puffing their way past us while I’m climbing mountains of stairs around in a tiny skater dress and ballet flats.  And then to make matters worse we realised there was indeed a car park that took you right up to Cataract Gorge and we needn’t have walked at all.

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Behold the beauty of Cataract Gorge

There was plenty of locals sunning themselves at the gorge and taking advantage of the glorious day as well as a few Chinese tourists running around with their now all too common selfie sticks.  MS and I paid $12 each to take the chair lift from one side of the Gorge to the other with me worrying about the possibility of dropping my shoes in the water the entire way over.  We finally made it back to the car (on the flat walk this time) and continued on to the Tamar Wine Route.  Where’s the food you say?  Yes, yes, I’m getting to it.  Haven’t you heard of a preamble?

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Hang onto your shoes kids

There are over 30 wineries in the Tamar Valley so the night before I had a look over each and every one and decided which ones I wanted to go to. First up we headed to Moores Hill Winery which was about a 25 minute drive from the heart of Launceston – after a brief detour to Beaconsfield to see the mine and get a sausage roll for sustenance from the local bakery.  “Enjoy the vineyard views from the verandah and try and Tasmanian tasting plate” said the Moores Hill Winery website.  That’s it I didn’t need to read anymore.

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As we pulled up at the vineyard I realised we were the only ones there which meant we had the place all to ourselves – though this didn’t last long.  There was a lovely lady whose name I can’t remember for the life of me that ran us (mostly me) through the wine tasting – starting with the sparkling, onto the whites, the reds and finally finishing with a taste of the CGR Late Harvest Riesling which was my pick of the bunch (MS preferred the NV Sparkling).  Because of the cooler climate Pinot noir, Chardonnay and Sauvignon Blanc are the mostly commonly produced wines in Tasmania.

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MS and chose a glass of our favourite drop from the tastings and kicked back on the veranda overlooking the vineyard with a cheese and meat platter to share.

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Not bad for $25

We got to meet the gorgeous neighbourhood hound Otto – I mean neighbourhood because according to local legend he often turns up at more than just one vineyard throughout the day.  (I may or may not have fed him cheese).

I'm more of a cat person but how could you not love this beautiful dog?

I’m more of a cat person but how could you not love this beautiful dog?

Halfway through our wine and blissful cheese platter another couple arrived for a wine tasting.  The woman had obviously had a little too much to drink at previously wineries and was very loud and annoying.  Maybe it was her Mickey Mouse trackpants or her Adelaide Churchgoers 2012 t-shirt or maybe it was just the fact that she just couldn’t pick up on our ‘please go away and let us enjoy our wine and cheese platter’ cues but she was a real pain the ass and I felt sorry for the lady behind the counter that was stuck with her and her husband when we left. Due to the ridiculous 7kg baggage limit we didn’t buy any wine to take home with us but I haven’t forgotten my promise, nor my desire to buy some of the Moores Hill wines online.

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After Moores Hill I had every intention on going to the Goaty Hill Winery down the road but time was getting away from us and those wine tastings had started to go to my head so we skipped Goaty Hill and headed to the Bay of Fires Winery.  Across the Batman Bridge and about thirty minutes up the road we found ourselves lining up for some wine tastings at the Bay of Fires Winery.  Before I go any further it goes without saying that that MS (my designated driver for the day) despite having a few wine tastings is a very responsible driver and at no point would he risk going over 0.05.

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We tasted most of the wines at the Bay of Fires winery and I wasn’t particularly taken with any of them to be honest.  The only reason that I wanted to go there was because I liked the name but it turns out that the Bay of Fires is actually no where near this winery and is actually about 170km away.  Good marketing ploy though.  I chose a glass of pinot noir to go with the Tasting Platter and we sat out on the patio eating cheese, beetroot relish and quail legs – something we both decided that we didn’t like.  The Tasting Platter was a little extravagant for two people but hey we were on holidays and technically this was lunch.  Plus it had plenty of blue cheese to keep me happy and plenty of non blue cheese to keep MS happy.

Tasmanian Tasting Plate - Two Tasmanian Cheeses, Smoked Quail, Chorizo, Blue Banner Pickled Onions, Wursthaus Terrine, Coal River Olives, Bills Beetroot Marmalade served with Sourdough for $40

Tasmanian Tasting Plate – Two Tasmanian Cheeses, Smoked Quail, Chorizo, Blue Banner Pickled Onions, Wursthaus Terrine, Coal River Olives, Bills Beetroot Marmalade served with Sourdough for $40

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I've certainly had worse days than this...

I’ve certainly had worse days than this…

On the way home we stopped at one of the many fruit farms that we had seen along the way to pick up some cherries and of course some more fudge.  Unfortunately the fruit farm that we stopped at had sold out of XXL cherries so we had to settle for the XL cherries, poor us.  These things were just enormous and so sweet and fleshy I would probably say they are the best cherries I have ever eaten.

The photo just doesn't do it justice but my hands are tiny

The photo just doesn’t do it justice but my hands are tiny

Upon returning to our humble abode at the Balmoral On York we promptly fell into a food coma for the rest of the afternoon.  Yes our day of wineries turned into only two wineries – complete amateurs compared to much of you wino’s I’m sure but any more and I would probably be passed out cold in the shower for the rest of the evening.  Dinner for us that night was fairly low key and we opted for some fish and chips overlooking the Tamar River with a glass of locally made Pagan Cider it was super romantic especially with the Bunnings Warehouse looming in the background.

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If you’re heading to the Tamar Wine Route I would definitely recommend a stop at Moores Hill Winery.  The Bay of Fires was great but we both preferred the wines, the outlook and the warm hospitality at Moores Hill. Stay tuned for the next instalment of my Tassie adventure featuring the Freycinet National Park, Swansea and of course the Oyster Farm x

Eating Ourselves Stupid in Tasmania – Hobart (Part 1)

No longer a ’20 something chick who likes to eat out in and around Cairns’ I recently celebrated my 30th birthday and MS who knows the way to my heart (food and travel) took me to Tasmania a couple of weeks ago to celebrate.  Having travelled to Tassie a few times to attend the Maritime College in Launceston and Beauty Point for various work courses I hadn’t actually had the opportunity to spend any ‘leisurely’ time down there until now.

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With jaw dropping scenery, a thriving food culture built on a diverse range of produce, a plethora of vineyards selling some of the finest drops of pinot noir you’re likely to ever taste, excellent roads and sh*tloads of native roadkill it’s easy to see why Tasmania has been named in Lonely Planet’s Top 10 Regions to travel to in 2015.  For such a small state there is much to see and do in Tasmania and in an ideal world two weeks would be a perfect amount of time to spend there however due to work schedules and upcoming surgical procedures (no I am not getting a boob job) five days in Tassie was all we could muster.

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We flew in and out of Hobart via Melbourne on Jetstar, somehow managed to bypass the Jetstar baggage Nazi’s for the entire trip down and back to Cairns.  I must have just been lucky because my carry on was 8.5kg before I even left home – slightly above the 7kg allowance.  We picked up our rental and headed into the city to our room at the Travelodge on Macquarie Street.  Clean simple rooms around the $120 a night mark within good walking distance to pretty much everything and most importantly Salamanca Place is only about a 10 minute walk.

That night I had booked us in for dinner at lovacore restaurant Ethos, a place I picked after reading about in a recent issue of Gourmet Traveller.  For those of you wondering what a ‘lovacore’ restaurant is according to Wikipedia it’s a ‘person that’s interested in eating food that is locally produced, not moved long distances to market’ with the term being ‘spawned as a result of interest in sustainability’.  From the sounds of it we were certainly in the right place because there’s no shortage of this type of thing in Tasmania.

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The restaurant itself is housed in a space over 190 years old and illustrates an important part of Hobart’s history.  We were impressed from the moment we entered the arched laneway to Ethos, walking through the thriving veggie garden and onwards into the main part of the restaurant.

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The menu at Ethos is determined by the seasonal produce and offerings that arrive that day therefore each day it is different.  MS and I chose the 6 courses for AU$85 without wine ($160 with a wine pairing) and instead chose our own drinks from the menu.  I chose a Pinot Noir from the Huon Valley while MS ever the non wine drinker chose the locally made Pagan Apple Cider.

Huon Valley Pinot, don't mind if I do

Huon Valley Pinot, don’t mind if I do

Over the 6 courses we dined on dehydrated kingfish, rats tail radish, Bruny Island goat and bonito just to name a few things but my personal favourite was without a doubt the Egg, Asparagus, Kombu (kelp), Magentaspreen (some weird leafy vegetable) and Chickweed (another plant) dish.  I know it sounds complicated but it really wasn’t.  The flavour combination of the of the egg yolk, tempura asparagus and seaweed was exquisite.

Egg, Asparagus, Kombu, Magentaspreen and Chickweed (the reason it doesn't look like much is because I took this photo after I had already eaten some, whoops)

Egg, Asparagus, Kombu, Magentaspreen and Chickweed (the reason it doesn’t look like much is because I took this photo after I had already eaten some, whoops)

Bonito, Spring Onion, Apple and Lime

Bonito, Spring Onion, Apple and Lime

Bruny Island Goat with Smoked Eggplant, Beetroot and Cucumber

Bruny Island Goat with Smoked Eggplant, Beetroot and Cucumber

The entire meal was excellent with exceptionally knowledgeable, albeit seemingly nervous staff to boot but more importantly I love eating somewhere with such an emphasis on fresh, local ingredients.  It really excites me and by excited I mean the ‘gosh what’s going to happen next’ kind rather than the piss your pants kind.  Before I move on I must give a mention to the house made sourdough with butter that is churned in house for a week before serving.  Yes typical me, I go to an expensive restaurant and the most memorable thing for me is the bread.

Housemade butter that takes a week to make with red sauerkraut salt

House made butter that takes a week to make with red sauerkraut salt

That delicious home made sour dough with butter that took a week to make sprinkled with red sauerkraut salt

Homemade sour dough bread slathered in that homemade butter

The next day we headed up the road to highly recommended café Ginger Brown.  I must admit we were both a little disappointed when we arrived.  To put it bluntly it was an unassuming café on a random backstreet of Hobart.

Random Hobart backstreets on our way to Ginger Brown

Random Hobart backstreets on our way to Ginger Brown but look at that Mt Wellington back drop!

I was kind of hoping to have some delightful harbour views while sipping my morning flat white but the predominantly brown vintage décor would have to do.  I chose the House baked crumpets with whipped vanilla bean butter, caramelised nectarines and honey whilst MS chose the Red wine braised beef cheek omelette with sweet chilli, avocado, fried shallots and bean shoots (with a side of bacon of course).

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Red wine braised beef cheek omelette with sweet chilli, avocado, fried shallots and bean shoots (with a side of bacon).  This photo just doesn’t do it justice.

Despite the immense ‘heaviness’ of his breakfast MS enjoyed it but couldn’t finish it, I however nearly licked my plate clean.  My breakfast of House baked crumpets was in fact one of the best breakfasts I have ever had the pleasure of eating.

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House baked crumpets with whipped vanilla bean butter, caramelised nectarines and honey. Pretty sure that’s the perfect breakfast right there.

Next up we headed to Museum of Old and New Art (MONA) which houses the largest privately owned art collection in Australia and without going into it too much because no doubt it’s either somewhere you have already been or heard of, neither of MS or I particularly enjoyed it.  Call me uneducated, call me ignorant, call me what you like but it just wasn’t my cup of tea.  According to the lady at the front counter apparently peoples views on MONA are few and far between – some love it, some hate and some just leave confused.  Having said that I highly recommend that anyone visiting Hobart takes a trip to MONA to see it for themselves.

One of the more controversial exhibits at MONA... 'The wall of vaginas' which features over 70 real plaster vaginas

One of the more controversial exhibits at MONA… ‘The wall of vaginas’ which features over 70 real plaster vaginas

Beyond the art the museum itself is very impressive having cost over $70 million to build, including a winery, a brewery and a restaurant as well as a sweet a** outdoor area where you can sit on bean bags whilst drinking wine and eating cheese.  Pretty sure that right there is my lifelong dream.

This photo doesn't really capture how sweet a** this place actually is but you get the gist

This photo doesn’t really capture how sweet a** this place actually is but you get the gist

At the MONA’s above ground Wine Bar (yes there is a below ground one also) MS ordered a Lemon Tart that he didn’t realise was a Lemon Tart (he sure is special sometimes) while I ordered a glass of Sauvignon Blanc and some cheese and biccies to ‘nibble on’.

My morning tea of Shropshire Blue Cheese (not from Tassie) with Lavosh, Quince Paste and Fig (AU$10).  Don't you wish all morning teas were like this?

My morning tea of Shropshire Blue Cheese (not from Tassie) with Lavosh, Quince Paste and Fig (AU$10). Don’t you wish all morning teas were like this?

After our MONA visit we headed up to the top of Mt Wellington for stunning 360 degree views and if it wasn’t for little bit of cloud cover to the north I am pretty sure we could have almost seen Melbourne the views are that vast.  Before we made the two hour drive to Launceston where we were booked in for the next night we drove in completely the other direction (stupidly at my request) to Peppermint Bay for a bite to eat.

IMG_6540The Peppermint Bay restaurant in Woodbridge was also suggested by one of my readers (thanks Bernard) as somewhere to visit and after having a look at it online I decided it was a must-do.  The food there was great with an exciting lunch menu and a few specials on the board but the best part was probably the location.

Woodbridge cold smoked trout, labneh, sourdough and lemon (AU$18)

Woodbridge cold smoked trout, labneh, sourdough and lemon (AU$18)

The former resting place for Tassie favourite ‘The Stackings’ Peppermint Bay looks out over the pristine Tasmanian waterway towards Bruny Island where you can watch the barges making their way in and out of Hobart whilst enjoying a glass of wine and lifes simple pleasures.

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Peppermint Bay would also be a fantastic place to go for dinner and drinks during winter.  With the fire crackling in the background and the cold chill of the outside air pressing up against the floor to ceiling glass windows I think it would be absolute magic.  Yes it’s a tough life but someone’s got to do it.

Stay tuned for my next post about Launceston and the Tamar Valley Wine Region xox

To plan your own trip to Tasmania check out the Discover Tasmania website here

Eating Ourselves Stupid in Melbourne – Day 3

I have already put this pic up but it's such a good one don't you think?

I have already put this pic up but it’s such a good one don’t you think?

Yeah I am really dragging this whole Melbourne thing out I know.  Especially considering that MS and I went to Melbourne in December!  But, the memories of the fantastic food we ate are still as raw as ever which is why we are heading back again this month.  Day 3 in Melbourne wasn’t a particularly big food day for the two of us although it was MS’ birthday.  We ended up at a bakery out near the motorbike raceway out at Broadford getting pies for breakfast since we were on the road early.

MS had shouted himself a Champion’s Race Day for his birthday which included a full day of racing around a track on a motorbike and yeah some other guy stuff.  I wasn’t particularly interested but I did have to drop him out there and drive all the way back into the city to catch up with a friend for lunch.  EG told me that I could choose anywhere for lunch – something I had already planned on doing anyways – so after a legs workout at some random community gym in Footscray that I found on Google maps and then a quick stopover at a random clothing alterations place to get a dress taken up (I couldn’t look any less than smoking hot for MS’ at his birthday day dinner) we headed to the much hyped and hip burger joint Huxtaburger on Smith Street.

I’m not sure if I had heard about it in one of the foodie magazines that I read (Delicious, Gourmet Traveller and Feast) or whilst trawling through Melbourne cafes and restaurants on Urbanspoon (or all of the above) but it seems that everyone in Melbourne has been going crazy (especially those crazy vegetarians) for Huxtaburger.   And yeah I might be a little slow on the uptake (any Melbourne foodie reading this is probably like “der that was so 12 months ago”) but this was MY first experience at Huxtaburger.

At first I was like “How good can a burger really be?”  I was reading reviews from people saying things as simple as “best burgers in Melbourne” to the more profound reviews like it was “life changing” or “an out of body experience”.  Sh*t yeah these burgers must be good!  I must admit I still hold fond memories of the ‘Macca Burger’ at the JCU Refectory that my study buddies and I used to mung out on during my uni days as a Science student.

Upon entering Huxtaburger with my friend I had a strong feeling that the JCU’s signature burger that tied me over between my Statistics lecture and my second year Zoology lecture was not going to rate too highly on the ‘best burger in Melbourne’ scale.  My friend and I went to the flagship store on Smith Street but there is also one in the city and one in Prahran.

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I had heard stories about people queuing down the street for their own Huxtaburger and I was expecting no less for our lunchtime burger experience so you can imagine my surprise when we walked straight in and straight to the counter to order.  The small list of only 6 burgers sounded bloody good especially the Denise (original Huxtaburger with jalapeno and Sriracha mayo) but I figured I should go with the original, that way I had a baseline to work with.  EG and I took up a couple of seats in a little cramped area of tables and chairs out the front on the footpath and waited for our burgers.

Within about 10 minutes out two Huxtaburgers had arrived, each served on a small silver platter.  Each looked like the perfect burger – almost like a cartoon burger.    I’m not going to go into a big speel about how good these burgers were/are because frankly, Melbourne reviewers have already blogged the sh*t out of Huxtaburger and I don’t really need to add my two cents into the mix but for my Cairns readers…  These burgers are the bees knees.  From the juicy beef patty to the soft but toasted and slightly sweet brioche bun.  Like I said, I didn’t understand how good a burger could really be… Until I went to Huxtaburger, and then I understood.  RIP Macca Burger.  I was going to have to bring MS back for his own Huxtaburger before we left Melbourne.

Huxtaburger - Beef pattie, mustard, mayo, tomato sauce, tomato, cheese, lettuce and pickles for AU$9

Huxtaburger – Beef pattie, mustard, mayo, tomato sauce, tomato, cheese, lettuce and pickles for AU$9

The next couple of hours involved catchups and flatwhites followed by me dropping my friend back to her place in Footscray, picking up my altered and smoking hot dinner dress and then driving an hour to pick MS up in Broadford.  By the time I arrived at the track I was so damn hungry that I think I ate my weights worth in Arnott’s Family Assorted sweet biscuits next to the tea and instant coffee which were there for the race day goers.  Although my Huxtaburger was out of this world tasty it was a little on the small side (put it this way, I could have easily eaten two).

Fast forward a couple of hours and MS had a great time and we were on our way in a taxi to Lygon St for MS’ birthday dinner – just the two of us.  There really isn’t too much to say about where we went for dinner nor is it worth mentioning (just another Lygon Street Italian restaurant) but the highlight of the evening for us was spotting Chestbrah walking along Lygon St – looking like a total douche in a black skivvy, black pedal pushers and white sneakers. MS wanted to get a photo with him purely as a piss take but then he didn’t want to give Chestbrah the satisfaction. (For those of you who don’t know who Chestbrah is, google him. He’s basically a Melbourne pretty boy/body building personality that takes lots of photos of himself with no shirt on at music festivals – I follow him on Instagram for a laugh and I’m still unsure if he takes himself seriously or not).

So after our dinner and 3/4 of a bottle of wine for me (MS had the other 1/4) – I stopped after that otherwise MS would have had to carry me home. Not something he wanted to do on his birthday! There was a club in the city that I had heard about a few years ago that I wanted to check out – only because it sounded cool. We found The Croft Institute hidden down an alley way in Chinatown and paid something like AU$20 entry – why the hell didn’t pull the birthday card?! The Croft Institute is 3 storeys – the ground floor resembled an old school science lab with shelves of odd shaped glassware, beakers and other Chemistry looking things that you’d think I could remember with all the Chemistry I did at uni.

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The lighting was pretty dim in inside but not quite dim enough to see that it was a bit of a sausage fest in there (aka not many women) so we headed upstairs for a bathroom stop on the 1st floor. The bathrooms (well I can’t speak for the men’s room) were probably the coolest part of the place. The was even a hospital bed in there.

Inside the ladies toilets

Inside the ladies toilets

The whole atmosphere was pretty spooky and kind of like an old asylum – reminded me of that movie Gothika with Halle Berry.

1st floor of The Croft Institute

1st floor of The Croft Institute

Upstairs from there was another bar with a DJ playing… I can’t remember much from up there, only that it wasn’t as cool as the two previous floors and that everyone seemed to be completely off their head.

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We went back down to the ground floor and ordered a couple of drinks. After watching the first season of Ray Donovan whilst out at sea I had become obsessed with tasting Cognac because that’s all they seem to drink on that show and they make it look so damn tasty. MS had tried to warn me that I wouldn’t like it but I am pretty stubborn like that so you can imagine my delight when I saw Cognac on the menu at The Croft Institute. We ordered a Cognac on the rocks and a Tequila and Orange Juice which came served with a syringe.  Another quirky feature of this crazy hidden club.

Tequila and Orange Juice with a syringe for good measure

Tequila and Orange Juice with a syringe for good measure

So it turns out that Cognac wasn’t everything I imagined it to be. In fact it tasted pretty sh*thouse really. How the hell do they drink that crap so easily on TV?! Wasting nearly $15 on a glass of Cognac that we barely had two sips of out was soon forgotten when we found a $50 note on the floor next to some unsuspecting hipsters.  It was a cool club and fun place to visit but not somewhere that I (we) would want to spend any longer than the 30 or so minutes that we did.   MS and I finished off the night with a Cadbury Marvellous chocolate bar from the 7/11, a stroll back to the apartment and then me becoming good friends with the toilet bowl. White wine + cognac + tequila + chocolate = me being sick.  That and I’m a lightweight on the turps.  Oops.  Happy Birthday baby!

Huxtaburger

106 Smith St, Collingwood VIC 3066

Rear 357 Collins St, Melbourne VIC 3000

208 High St, Prahran VIC 3181

Check out the website for the different opening hours: www.huxtaburger.com.au

The Croft Institute

21 Croft Alley, Melbourne VIC 3000

Ph: (03) 9671 4399

Opening Hours: Mon – Thurs 5pm – 1am, Sat & Sun 5pm – 3am

Website: www.thecroftinstitute.com.au

Ribs and Rumps, Townsville

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Recently I was down in Townsville and with the trusty Entertainment Book in my clutches I was looking for somewhere for a good feed – and a big feed.  Consulting my brother and his GF, who attends uni down in Townsville I was directed to Ribs and Rumps on Palmer Street.  It just so happened that I was craving big piles of meat on the bone and… my sister and I were staying right on Palmer St.  It seemed like it was meant to be.  I called up Ribs and Rumps and made a booking for 10+ on a Sunday night.  When I called up I asked if we could split the bill and the lady on the phone told me that splitting the bill was not an option as it was too time consuming so we would have to bring cash and pool it towards the total bill at the end or someone could always put it on their credit card.  Yeah no.  I asked her if she would reconsider and I was again told no.  In the end I just hoped for the best and if all else failed I would just play dumb… “I’m so sorry but no one told me that we couldn’t split the bill.  What ever will we do Mr Waiter?”

Anyway, on the drive down to Townsville the day before I received a call confirming my booking for the following night and was asked if we wanted to sit inside or outside.  I consulted the other two people that were with me that were also attending the dinner and confirmed that we would like to sit inside.  Sunday arrived and after a long day of various activities that included stuffing my face with lollies and Subway cookies after a long period of strict dieting I was hanging for Ribs and Rumps.  We arrived at the restaurant only to find our table set up outside on the footpath right next to a young female busker, who may or may not have been affiliated with the restaurant itself.  I’m not quite sure what happened to the INSIDE table that I booked but taking one look inside it looked like there was certainly no room inside as the restaurant was packed full of diners.  And let me just add that the booking I made was over two weeks before.  Enough about the booking let’s move on.

Although I had never heard of it prior to my brother and his GF mentioning it, Ribs and Rumps appears to be a chain restaurant with locations all over Australia as well as in Dubai – a steakhouse famous for it’s legendary ribs, aged-to-perfection steaks and mammoth sized portions.  Legendary ribs?  Yeah we shall see about that.  Being the avid googler that I am I had already stalked the Ribs and Rumps menu online and to save time and to give me something to look forward to in my lengthy time of strict dieting I knew exactly what I was getting.  The menu is pretty much as you would expect it… Burgers, the token Caesar Salad, Ribs, Steaks and combos of Ribs and Steaks.  For an entree I chose the Cheesy Garlic Baguette for AU$6.95 because I hadn’t had cheese or bread for quite some time and the two combined, well, I needed them in my life.  Next up was the main and after weighing up if the excessive price was really worth it knowing full well that I wouldn’t be able to eat much of it I ordered the Ribs, Ribs and Ribs – a mouth-watering combo of tender pork, meaty beef and juicy lamb ribs for AU$49.95.  In the end I couldn’t choose between which type of ribs I wanted so if I had to pay the exorbitant amount of nearly 50 bucks for all three then I figured I might as well.

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While we waited for our dishes to arrive I stopped the waitress and ordered a glass of Sauvignon Blanc to wash it all down.  My glass of wine never turned up so I just stuck to jugs of water.  Meanwhile, our entire table, and probably every single diner seated outside, cringed as the young busker nearby broke into the chorus of Nicki Minaj’s song Superbass.  A song that was never ever, ever meant to be sung along to with nothing but an acoustic guitar and a microphone on a sidewalk in Townsville.  I even considering paying the girl $5 to shut the hell up so we could eat our dinner in peace.  I’m sorry, I know that sounds terrible but so did this busker.

Soon up out came my Cheesy Garlic Baguette.  This Cheesy Garlic Baguette could have very well been the best thing I have ever eaten, or again it could have been the fact that I hadn’t had cheese or bread for quite some time.  But seriously, it was pretty good.  There was lashings of garlic butter and the cheese was stringy and melted and wow.  Just wow.  In hindsight I would have been content with eating about three cheesy garlic breads for the night and then called it quits but not long after that my Ribs, Ribs and Ribs main meal came out.  It was placed down in front of me and I have to admit that I was disappointed with the size.  After paying AU$50 for this meal I was expecting something significantly bigger.  It just looked to me like a big ass white plate with a handful of chips on it and a couple of racks of ribs.  I mean at Waterbar the ribs are expensive but there is at least twice as much on the plate.  I figured that if the ribs were good then I would let the price and the portion size slide so I dug in.

Cheesy Garlic Baguette - AU$6.95

Cheesy Garlic Baguette – AU$6.95

As some of my readers may remember I judge all ribs by the most amazing ribs that I have ever eaten – in a small bar in Nashville, Tennessee called Rippy’s.  These ribs were the ribs of all ribs and I bought the t-shirt to always remember the place.  Sadly, no ribs that I have eaten since then have ever come close to the ribs that I had on that fateful day and the ribs at Ribs and Rumps were no different.  After so much hype and build up from people telling me how good the ribs at Ribs and Rumps were I was severely disappointed.  Someone said they were fall off the bone tender and the sauce that they are basted with was the best part.  What sauce?  All I could taste was the grill.  I’m no stranger to BBQ’d grilled meats but the sauce is where it’s at and I couldn’t taste any.  You want that sh*t running down your face, onto your fingers and onto your awaiting bib.  Not at Ribs and Rumps.  The ribs certainly didn’t fall off the bone especially the beef ribs which were tough as an old boot.  As stated in the menu the lamb ribs were really fatty but again weren’t very tasty.  I ended up filling up on the handful of chips on my plate and gave the majority of the ribs away to the hungry men at my table.

Ribs, Ribs and Ribs - A mouth-watering combo of tender pork, meaty beef and juicy lamb ribs for AU$49.95

Ribs, Ribs and Ribs – A mouth-watering combo of tender pork, meaty beef and juicy lamb ribs for AU$49.95

Myself, my sister and the majority of the others at the table found the meal disappointing.  I thought the food was ordinary but I was disappointed mostly because I had let myself get caught up in the hype of what other people had said and let’s face it who isn’t going to think that a restaurant called ‘Ribs and Rumps’ isn’t going to be anything short of amazing?  I really do think that the rib part of the menu was overpriced.  The majority of people that dine at Ribs and Rumps are going there to order the ribs.  You don’t go somewhere with that kind of name and order a Garden Salad which for arguments sake is a lot more reasonably priced.  At Ribs and Rumps they are definitely capitalising on the ribs and by the look of it it’s working because as I said before the restaurant was absolutely packed out with well over 150 diners on a Sunday night.  The owner must be making a killing!  However, Cairns-ites rest assured, you’re not missing out on anything.  Waterbar is waaaaaay better than Ribs and Rumps and they never forget your glass of wine or stuff up your booking.  Sorry Townsville you haven’t won me over with your promise of delicious meaty ribs, instead all your rocks and dryness just make me feel miserable.  I still think the only thing that you have going for you is the drive out of your town and yeah ok, you have Betty Blue and the Lemon Tart.  I’ll give you that.

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Ribs and Rumps

2 Dibbs St (entrance to Palmer St), Townsville QLD 4810

Ph: (07) 4721 6088

Opening Hours: Mon – Fri 12pm – 3pm, 5pm – 10pm, Sat & Sun 12pm – 10pm

Website: www.ribsandrumps,com